Isaac means Laughter, Zu-Le means Joy in the Lord. However, I haven’t been feeling very much of both in this last leg of the pregnancy. This pregnancy had been so uneventful but I am still very much plagued with anxieties, worries, frustrations and helplessness. I hope Lil Isaac doesn’t come out with a frown.
It all started with the babysitting arrangement upon Lil Isaac’s arrival. This uncertainty had bugged me for the longest time and we seem to meet with dead ends whichever way that we turned. The resulting frustration makes me want to scream at times. There seems to be a little more hope now but no conclusion yet. I am waiting for my mum to make up her mind, which based on experience will take a while. Then, it is about keeping everything crossed and hoping that she doesn’t change her mind.
Then, we had to change the maid bcos J was unable to obey our instructions. She crossed the boundary and broke our trust. And M came along and she has been with us for close to a month now. She is a far cry from J. Although much more obedient, she’s so block headed and slow. We had to teach her from scratch. She’s already picking up in terms of housework but is still so slow and lack initiatives. However, we dont know what to do to her pertaining to Lil Shauna.
Lil Shauna adores J and was looking for J when we first replaced J. She doesn’t stick to M like how she used to with J and J was only with us for 4 months. Then Lil Shauna has to choose this point to start her Terrible Twos. She had been so difficult for the past 3 weeks and she is rejecting M. This made things worse on top of the fact that M is already uber stone headed. She doesn’t know how to coax the fussing and whinny Lil Shauna. She offered the wrong thing at the wrong time and is so boring. Lil Shauna used to have so much fun running and jumping around with J, even at home. M just carries Lil Shauna around all the time or makes her watch TV. -.o”
Lil Shauna continues to be difficult when she came down with throat infection and although recovered, she shows no sign of her angelic self. She still continues to reject M whenever there is somebody other than M. And M will stand around watching that somebody handles the difficult toddler, offering NO help at all and no attempt to help at all. Haiz.
This morning, Lil Shauna caught us by surprise and woke up at 6.15am. She wanted to go kai kai and refused to let me go. She even wanted to go office with mummy. M’s weak attempts to detatch Lil Shauna from me flopped severely. I had to lure Lil Shauna to a sleeping ah yee and leave her in ah yee’s room while I escaped for work. Then, I have to see a crying Lil Shauna on the camera at work. -__-“ If it is J, I would at least have that little bit of assurance that Lil Shauna would return to her bubbly self shortly, but I have no tiny bit of confidence with M. Luckily, Lil Shauna was willing to cooperate subsequently. But she was again difficult in the afternoon and forbid M to even stay within her vision. I really have no idea why is Lil Shauna rejecting M so badly.
To add on to my headaches, M had to get our flu virus. I already reminded her to take care of herself and that she will get no rest and have no family to take care of her if she falls sick. I still wake up to take care of the sick toddler and for work when I was suffering from my full-blown flu mah. Then, ah mah called to inform that M cried buckets in the kitchen yday while hanging the newly handwashed baby clothes. -.o” She said that she misses her 3YO son. She called me to ask for permission to call her SIL who is also working as a maid in Singapore and will be soon returning home for vacation. I allowed her to call in the afternoon, after making sure that the princess is asleep. She was on the phone for a short while as her SIL was busy and I heard from ah mah that she cried buckets again. I faint liao. I know she must have missed her son badly and must be feeling miserable after falling sick and facing the very difficult Lil Shauna.
I am at my wits end again. I think it is only right to give M more time, especially when learning to take care of a difficult toddler doesn’t come overnight. But each time I see the baby rejecting M and M standing stonely at one corner, I feel heartache. And my mum has to make things worse to tell me that she thinks M will quit on me when Lil Isaac arrives bcos she doesn’t think M can take the hardship. -___-“Seriously, my maid has a better life than me. She relinquishes her duties to take care of Lil Shauna when we knock off from work. There is basically nothing much to do and she can actually turn in at 9+pm every night while I struggle with Lil Shauna and tucking her to bed after 10pm. My mum has to tell me that M will not be able to handle the housework and Lil Shauna and Lil Isaac and yet wake up frequently to help for night feeds. Great, just what I needed to hear.
And to further rub salt on open wound, my mum called me in the late afternoon that Lil Shauna threw a mega tantrum after her afternoon nap when M tried to pass her a story book. She wanted M away from her as far as possible. When Lil Shauna didn’t get what she wanted, she screamed and cried and clenches her fists and grinds her teeth. My mum said that she has never seen Lil Shauna so angry before. Sob. Now, I don’t know how to go to work peacefully tomorrow.
Ah yee came home early today to take over ah mah, so that ah mah can go home. I came back earlier too to rescue ah yee. Strangely, Lil Shauna was alright when I am home. She wasnt 100% angelic but there was no tantrums. I heard from ah yee that M was so stressed that she cried when Lil Shauna threw her mega tantrum. She must be feeling the stress too, worried that she will have to go if LiL Shauna continues to reject her.
Haiz. There is nothing I can do now. There really aren’t much to do in the house and I don’t know what to give to M during evening time to delay her bedtime and make her more used to the nightmare lifestyle that is coming. I don’t know how to make Lil Shauna wants M more too. She appears ok when she si alone with M but turned into a monster when there are somebody else. Each day, when I see her fussing on the camera, I feel that I should be home for her. Then who helps with the bacon? Sob, sob. I want to be a happy mummy.
Mummy Lim
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