Lil Shauna is...

Lil Shauna is 2 months old.

She weighs 4.2kg (with clothings & diapers) and is 53cm long.

She drinks about 100ml of milk every 3 hourly.

Lil Shauna can suck her wrist (popo says that she will find her fingers and start sucking them soon).

She likes to stare at the sky & at lights.

She can entertain herself for alittle while before she starts making cranky noises.

She loves her musical toy to bits and can stay entertain for awhile.

Her legs are getting stronger and she kicks really hard when her milk is late.

This is the little princess with her musical bunny. My efforts are paying off. Look at those cheeks. Hehehe.

Mummy Lim

Things Will Get Better

Hey gers, thank you for all the smses and encouragements.
I told Daddy Lim and my mum about how I felt, although I wasnt very calm when I relate my feelings. I think it is a good move. Bottling up the fustrations do me no good. They are both worried for me and are paying me more attention. I even had dinner alone with Daddy Lim today at JP. I guess I needed the break. My mum helped to look after Lil Shauna while we had dinner. It felt so good. :)

Lil Shauna had been cranky today (again). I hope it is a passing phrase. Things will get better. :)

Mummy Lim

Angry Mummy

I had been really cranky recently and I would like to blame it on the lack of sleep. I realise that I cant handle Lil Shauna on my own, definitely not an entire day. It is not that I am not a good mummy, just that I need someone to help watch over her when I shower, eat, express milk, wash clothes, etc. She has been really fussy recently. Refusing sleep after feed or sleeps only when carried and wakes up shortly after put down. With a fussy baby I have no time to myself (just in case you are wondering, I am expressing and Lil Shauna happens to be asleep after her feed, after fussing the entire day).

I had been suffering from a lack of sleep for the past few nights, averaging 3 to 5 hours of interrupted sleep. To keep my sanity, I take an hour of nap in the day. Without that one precious hour, I get super cranky by evening. Daddy Lim was caught up with work yday. He was at work until 2am this morning. Luckily, my mum was here to help yday. I managed to catch 2 hours of sleep in the day (wat a bonus). By nightfall, I was still feeling alright. Lil Shauna only went to bed at 9+pm. I went to bed at about 10+pm. Before I managed to sleep, she was making noises and woke up at 11+pm for her feed. I went back to bed at 1+am and woke up at 4am for the 2nd feed. She woke me up at 6.30am, crying for milk again. In other words, I had about 4 hours of interrupted sleep last night. Daddy Lim went to work shortly leaving with me a fussy baby who refused to go back to sleep.

My mum is supposed to come in the morning and she is going out with my bro's family in the afternoon. She called me at 8.30am, apparently just out of bed. She said that she will come soon. I told her not to rush. She asked about breakfast. With no mood for food (I need sleep more than anything else), I told her not to cook, just tabao something on her way here, which she agreed. At 9.45am, she was still at home. She cooked... then claimed that she will be here shortly. She only reached about 10.30am. I quickly took my breakfast, helped to bath Lil Shauna and wash her clothes. My mum helped to feed her. By the time I was done, it was 11.45am and I dived into bed, hoping for some precious sleep. Daddy Lim came home shortly but I was already unconscious.

My mum woke me up at 1+pm cos it was time for her to join my bro. I was really pissed to be awaken in the midst of my beauty sleep. My mum was eager to go off as my bro was waiting. She was carrying Lil Shauna who was fussing alittle and went on to tell me that Lil Shauna is due for her feed soon and stuff. At that point of time, I really blew my top. I felt so helpless. She knew that she is gg to join my bro, then she should have come a little earlier and let me catch up a little on my sleep. Why cant she get her priorities right? To me, sleep is more impt than food or anything else, yet she chose to waste precious time cooking breakfast. -.o" I had been suffering from sleepless nights largely due to the family crisis and a hungry baby, yet the rest of the family seems mildly affected. I chased her off and started expressing my frustration to my sister (who will be staying with me for awhile) and crying at the same time. Her presence helps.

Daddy Lim was of no help cos he was catching up on his lost sleep. He woke up at 3+pm and was rushing off to his friend's place for guitar practice. I asked if he could stay until 4pm for me to express milk and he said that the practice was supposed to start at 4pm, indicating his unwillingness. After the morning episode, I didnt want to plead with him. Fine, I will handle Lil Shauna on my own. She wun kill me. I am pissed again. The feeling of helplessness and anger swam me.

We were supposed to have a family dinner, but I was pretty unwilling. Dinner with Lil Shauna had not been too enjoyable. My sister was tired too so the dinner was called off. By late afternoon, my mum kept calling to ask if we need them to tabao dinner, which I squarely rejected. I think I am still pissed with her.

At 6pm, I called Daddy Lim who was still at his friend's place. I asked him if he is coming home soon, which he replied that he would if I want him to. I told him to make his own decision, if he doesnt want to come home soon, fine with me. I am not sure if he knew how pissed I am but he replied that he will be coming home shortly after checking with his friends.

I am just so pissed. It seems that I am suffering the most or maybe I am just self-centered. My weekend is non-existent. I have no time for myself, I am looking after Lil Shauna 24/7 and many times on my own. People around me seem to be enjoying themselves. I am trying hard not to deny them of their self time by not asking them to help. Ending up I dun even have time to do the basic things, let alone time to do my own stuff. I am just so pissed. I am an angry mummy.

Mummy Lim

I Cant Do Without My Mum

Just a short one... I realise that I cant handle Lil Shauna without my mum, especially when she gets really cranky. Sometimes, I just need a breather and I am so thankful for her. Hehehe..

Oh, and Daddy Lim too. He was so sweet last night. I had been suffering from lack of sleep. Trying to survive on 4 to 5 hrs of interrupted sleep per night. Lil Shauna finally went to bed last night at 9+pm. Daddy Lim tucked her in after my 2 failed attempts. I was fast asleep shortly after Daddy Lim took over. Lil Shauna started crying for milk at 11+pm. I was really feeling miserable. Daddy Lim didnt stir and I was angry that I am always the one doing night feeds. I loudly exclaim that I cant do it and Daddy Lim immediately woke up to heat up the milk and feed Lil Shauna. Guilty, I woke up to help. Afterall, he has to work today and has to work late. After he fed her, I expressed the milk and Lil Shauna is back in dreamland, Daddy Lim said that he needed a smoke and ask me to join him at the corridor (our house is a non-smoking house). I tot he was angry and wanted to reprimand me. Instead, he said that we have not spent time quietly for a long while and hugged me. Oh gosh... I started crying. He was just so sweet. I felt so much better after that and found new strength to go on.

Thank you bb. I love you. Muakz..

Mummy Lim

Crisis

Havent blog for awhile. My family went thru' a crisis recently and we were all too busy handling watever that hits us. Dun worry, nothing has happened to Daddy Lim, Lil Shauna or myself. We are very much alive & kicking.

We are recovering well and I think we will get out of it soon. Amazingly, crisis always bring the family closer. Due to the crisis, I spoke at length with my brother. I think I have never communicate so much to him in my entire life. Haha. Dun ask, I will share when I am ready. :) Looking at it, I see God's hand in it again and I found many things to give thanks for. It is simply His perfect timing. I shared that wif my sister too (my bro & sis have given up their faith many years ago). I hope she sees wat I saw.

I am going back to work on 21 Jul 08. I think I will miss my baby. I hope I wun have to stay too late at work. However, I felt this excitement buzzing whenever I rem that I am gg back to work, hehe.

I am worried that my mum and SIL wun be able to handle the 3 kids when I go back to work. If that is really the case, I will look for a nanny for Lil Shauna. The last option will be a maid. I have asked my bro if he has considered hiring a maid. I will help to finance. He is considering. With an extra pair of hands, I think we will all benefit. I always tot that my SIL & mum should have some space & time of their own. We'll see how it goes...

Mummy Lim

New Member to the Pooh Family

One fine day when Lil Shauna decides to get cranky at 5am in the morning. She was placed on the bed, beside Daddy Lim. Daddy Lim was tasked to look after her while Mummy Lim went to express her milk. This is wat she saw when she was back.

An addition to the Pooh Family... it is Shauna the Mousey.

She's a little bigger than Piglet. I bet she's about the same size as Piglet when she was just born. Hehe.

Mummy Lim

I have finally woke him up

As I have blogged recently, Lil Shauna wakes up for 2 night feeds. I have also switched from breast to bottle feeding during the nights to increase efficiency. Ever since I have switched to bottle feeding, Daddy Lim had been sleeping through the nights with minimal disturbance. But the record was broken last night...

Usually, I will try to wake up a little earlier than Lil Shauna to warm up her milk. After feeding her, I will put her back to bed before expressing my milk and clear up the stuff.

Last night, Lil Shauna woke up for her 1st feed at 11+pm and she fell asleep promptly after that. I aimed to wake up a little earlier for the 2nd feed but failed. I was awoken by her cries at 3+am and I noe that it means trouble. She was crying badly when I tried to warm up her milk. After feeding her, she stared at me and refused to go back to sleep, as if punishing me for delaying her feed. ;p I tried to coax her for the next 30 mins but failed miserably. That is when my patience wears out and I woke Daddy Lim to get him to take over (poor Daddy Lim) while I proceed to express my milk and clear up the stuff. Daddy Lim tried for another 30 mins but Lil Shauna still refused to go back to sleep. I took over from him at 4.45am and continue to coax her for the next 30 mins. She finally fell asleep at 5.15am but wakes up at 5.45am. -.o" Then she finally fell into a deep slumber at 6.20am when we are supposed to go to popo's place. Haiz..

I hope this is only a one-off incident. Sob.. So torturing. Luckily my mum and SIL helped this morning to look after Lil Shauna while I catch an hour of nap. Else, I will be a walking zombie again. Lol!

Mummy Lim

Updates...

Hehe, havent blog for awhile. No choice, Lil Shauna is taking up most of my time. I only have time to do stuff when she's asleep. And when that happens, I try to catch up on my beauty sleep as well. Haiz..

Infant Massage Workshop
Daddy Lim and I went for the workshop last Saturday. It was organised by NUH. When we were there, we realised that all the babies were preemies, like Lil Shauna. The NICU ward actually organised hal-yearly gatherings for preemies and their parents.

Lil Shauna fell asleep on the way to NUH. She only started to stir when the nurse was teaching on hands-on. Lil Shauna refused to cooperates and threathened to cry the moment we put her down. After seevral attempts, she decided that she will distract me by asking for milk. -.o" So I spent the next 30 mins breastfeeding her. When I was about to join the class, she poo poo. The workshop ended when I am finally done with her. Luckily, Daddy Lim was there. Although there's no baby to try hands-on with, he managed to take down some notes. Daddy Lim shall be Lil Shauna's massue from now on. Hehe.

Growing, growing
Lil Shauna is growing, growing... I guess she has put on some weight. My hands get tired when I carry her for too long. But she still have a long way to go to catch up with her peers. She has more "meat" and looks much better when we stripped her for baths. She's developing chubby cheeks and double chin too, hehehe.

She still looks a bit yellow to me. We will noe for sure when she goes for her 2nd month check-up in July 2008. As what the PD said during the last check-up, the jaundice is probably linked to breast milk, which can persist up to 2 months. If she's still yellow during the next check-up, they will have to prick her and do investigation to rule out other causes of jaundice. Meanwhile, we are trying to sun her. Do pray that the jaundice will go away and that it is indeed breast milk jaundice.

We are trying to faithfully feed her the prescibed multi-vitamins and iron drops. The multi-vitamins are mixed with breast milk, given to her via bottle and she has no problem taking it. The iron is supposed to be given on an empty stomach. The moment we put stuff into her mouth, she will start asking for milk. Thus, we have been unsuccessful so far. The iron drop is normally followed by milk. Well, no fish, prawn oso good.

Feeding in the night
Lil Shauna and I go home in the night and spend the day in my mum's place. This is in preparation of me joining the workforce soon. During the initial days, it was really a torture. She can suckle for an hour in the night and refused to go back to sleep. Daddy Lim wasnt of much help and I try not to disturb him as he has to work in the day. As a result, I get very tired in the morning and super cranky.

Recently, I have decided that I will bottle feed her expressed breast milk (EBM) in the night. Thankfully, things seem to work. She will wake up for 2 feeds in the night, around midnight and about 3am. I will try to prepare the milk for her before she gets really angry & hungry. Fortunately, she goes back to sleep soon after the feeds. Hehe. This shall be the arrangement when I go back to work too. :) She can take about 80 to 90ml per feed now. I am trying to stock up on breast milk, so that she can still take EBM when I go back to wor. However, I think my ss is dropping. I hope to let her take EBM exclusively for 6 months, but it doesnt look too optimisstic with the dropping ss. Haiz..

Going back to work
I am taking 10 weeks of maternity leave and staggering the remaining 2 weeks over a period of 6 months, as allowed under the Law. My boss messaged me recently to ask if I wanted to utilise the entire 12 weeks in one go since Lil Shauna spent her 1st 3 weeks in the hospital. After discussing with my mum & Daddy Lim, I am still intending to go back on 21 Jul 08, as per initailly planned. As days go by, I am beginning to believe more and more that I am not cut out to be a full-time mother. Or maybe it is bcos Lil Shauna is still too young to interact and respond. Thus, I am spending my days changing diapers, breastfeeding & expressing milk. -.o"

Anyway, I am looking forward to starting work. I will spread out my 11 days (remaining 2 weeks maternity leave) + 13.5 days (annual leave from last year) + 2 days (childcare leave) over the next 6 months to take care of Lil Shauna. These 26.5 days of leave will come in handy for her jabs and to help my mum when my SIL needs to run errands. Hmm.. I guess I am not that bad a Mummy after all. Boss, if you are reading, pls kindly note that I still have a whole lot of leave hor. ;p

Okie, got to go. The princess is calling. Pardon for the spelling and grammar errors. No time to proof read. ;p

Mummy Lim

Lil Shauna is a cranky baby

I hate it when Lil Shauna gets cranky. This is especially so when it happens in the the night. She did just that last night. I bet it is the weather (again).

We went to bed at 9+pm (after her feed). She was sleeping well in her long pants in the air con room. Before I manage to enter dreamland, she started it. She started wailing despite me carrying her and walking around the room. To prevent her from disturbing Daddy Lim, we went to the living room. Strangely, she stopped crying when I put her on the sofa and she started dozing. As I didnt want to take chance (of waking her up), I spent the next 3 hours with her in the living room, dozing on and off and forgoing the comfort of the aircon room + big bed. She woke up at 1+am for her feed and she was at it for the next 1+ hour! Daddy Lim popped out then. He was shocked to find his wifey and little princess missing. Finding us in the living room, he snuggled back to sleep. How comforting... -.o"

Finally at 2+am, I brought her into the room. The aircon felt heavenly. She was still at my breast and I was playing that "suckle-unlatch-burp-wake up-cry" game with her. She finally fell asleep and I collapsed until I heard her crying for milk again at 4+am. Luckily, it was only a 15mins suckle. However, she was making funny noises at irregular intervals from 4+am to 6+am. I couldnt really entertain her. When she make funny noises (provided that I hear them), I will automatically rock her rocker alittle. Then, the alarm went off. I was zombie-like this morning. Ironically, Lil Shauna was wide awake and cranky. Aiyo.. She finally fell asleep at 11+am.

As I am doing demand feeding, I realised that I am either breastfeeding her or expressing. My mum joked that I am a cow.. I really feel like one. My breasts dun really seem to belong to me anymore. Haiz.. Got to go. The princess is cranky (again). I think she's calling for my breasts..

Mummy Lim

Lil Shauna has grown!

We are back home, back to disturb Daddy Lim's beauty sleep. Lil Shauna has been a little cranky recently. Not too sure if it is bcos of the weather (super hot!). She's awake for longer hours now. But it gets pretty fustrating when she cries when she's awake. -.o"

I think she has grown..

This is her on 19 May 08.

This is her today. I can pinch her cheek liao. Hehe.

She has to continue to put on weight to catch up with her peers.

When we were out at Jurong Point yday, some people commented that she's cute, but oso small. Sob. Shauna jia you!

Mummy Lim